Families Page 17

  Kensy had been worried about Debbie since her friend had died. It was like Micky had taken a part of Debbie with her when she left the earth. Kensy had had talks with both Robert and Reverend Gilbert about Debbie’s withdrawal. Robert shared her concern, and the reverend had told them both that Debbie was grieving and the best thing to do for her was let Debbie figure it out on her own. “Grieving can be a long process for folks. They just need to find their way through it,” he’d said.

  Kensy wanted to be with Debbie and help her with her grief, but she didn’t want to smother her either. They hadn’t played much tennis in the winter, since the indoor courts at the club had been under renovation. Debbie was buried in sadness, and Kensy knew it, but she would give her some space. And she would also keep in touch to check on her and make sure she didn’t go too far down. She cared a lot for her friend, the devoted big-hearted nurse that she had quietly fallen in love with. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out Debbie and Micky had been lovers. Kensy was just going to be there for Debbie until she could see there was a bright light and good life ahead of her.

  It was a Saturday afternoon late in March. The weather was still cold, but the sun shone brightly. Debbie thought she was going to burst with worry and grief. She put on her coat and went for a walk. The more she walked, the deeper she fell into painful thoughts. She wanted to run away, yet she had nowhere to go. She walked and walked, not paying any attention to where she was, then looked up and discovered she was in front of Kensy’s boutique in the town center. Debbie was frozen to the bone, her nose running, and her eyes watering from the stinging cold.

  Kensy walked a customer to the door and found Debbie standing with her hands in her coat pockets, staring into the store window.

  “Dee… Debbie! What are you doing?”

  Debbie slowly turned to look at her. She was numb. What was she doing at Kensy’s doorstep? That was the last place she wanted to be.

  Kensy put her arm through Debbie’s and took her inside. Debbie didn’t say a word, just walked almost flat-footed, dumbfounded.

  “Lorraine, can you take care of closing the shop? I need to be with my friend.”

  “No problem, Kens.”

  Kensy took Debbie to the back room and sat her in front of the hot radiator at the wall.

  “Here, drink this coffee.” Kensy held the mug to Debbie.

  She looked up at Kensy, finally feeling warm, and took the cup. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb your day. I just wanted to walk, and I didn’t realize I was here in town.” Debbie put her head down. “Kens, I think I’m in trouble. I can’t find my life anymore.” She looked back up. “I’m lost.”

  Debbie started to get up. “I shouldn’t be here.”

  “This is exactly where you should be. Sit. You were led here for a reason. Let me just tie up a few ends, and we’ll get out of here.”

  Kensy was a very attractive woman, with dreamy chocolate-brown eyes and beautiful wavy black hair—dark-skinned from her mixed-race parents. She had impeccable taste and a real flair for colors and interior design. Her business was prosperous, and she was admired by the town’s business professionals.

  Debbie had never heard anyone mention that Kensy was gay, although Debbie figured everyone knew she was. But when she thought back to her conversation with Robert after she first met her, she remembered he didn’t know. Could Kensy purposely be keeping it quiet for professional reasons? Was it so important that such a fact must be recognized? Maybe a person’s sexual preference wasn’t such a big deal.

  But that was who Debbie was, a lesbian trying to fit into a heterosexual world. She had no idea what it would feel like being attracted to a man. If she was normal, would she have fallen in love with Robert? He seemed to be what a smart woman would want in a mate. And even though she did love Robert, the thought of making love with him or kissing never entered her mind. He had seen her naked body when she was so sick, and that didn’t bother her, nor did it seem to bother him. How could a man and woman be so close and not have a sexual bond? And yet she could live with Robert the rest of her life and be completely content.

  “Okay, I’m ready. Where do you want to go?” Kensy had on a long wool coat and fur hat that beautifully set off her face. She pulled on dark leather gloves and then held her hand out to Debbie.

  “I think I should just go home.”

  “Nope!”

  Kensy pulled Debbie up out of the chair, put her arm around her, and they walked through the store, out the front door, and down the street to Kensy’s condo.

  “Give me your coat,” Kensy said, taking a hanger out of the closet. “Drink?”

  “What do you have?”

  “Just about anything.”

  “Bourbon?”

  “Now, that’s my kind of woman. Of course, and only the best for the best.”

  “The best at what?” Debbie said, lowering her head.

  “I’m talking about you.”

  “Not true.”

  “Debbie Pierce, fearless, giving, strong, willing to stop her life over and over again to take care of someone in need, selflessly.”

  “I’ve been called a junkyard dog.”

  “By whom?”

  “A man. He said it was said with respect.”

  “Of course he did. Men.”

  “I couldn’t help Micky.”

  “But you took her hand and eased her journey to a better place in peace. I saw it with my own eyes. That woman adored you and was grateful for your love.”

  Kensy handed Debbie her glass, sat down next to her, and smoothed Debbie’s hair behind her ear.

  “We were lovers.”

  “I know.” Kensy brushed her hand down Debbie’s cheek.

  “But I was selfish and wanted what I wanted and disappointed her. She was already in a great job and wanted me to go to her, but I wanted the job here.”

  “Sometimes it just doesn’t work out. I mean, when you’re partners, there’s got to be compromise. If neither of you can make that compromise, then the relationship isn’t that important to either one of you, even though there’s deep love.”

  “Or maybe we were just young.”

  “Maybe, but do you really think it mattered how old you were?”

  “I don’t know. She helped me find myself. I will always love and admire her for that. Do you find men attractive?”

  “Yes, I find many men handsome and charming. But never enough to want to check out their package, if you know what I mean.”

  Debbie half smiled. She could see Kensy flirting with men just to mess with them.

  “And how about you, Dee. Ever—”

  “No, never. I don’t even understand if they’re good-looking or not.”

  “Okay…” Kensy said, in a kind voice, realizing she’d hit a nerve.

  “I haven’t been too lucky in relationships. A complete failure, really.”

  “I’m thinking not.”

  “Oh yes, just look at Lisa.”

  “Lisa? You mean Lisa Jones?”

  “She and I were lovers for years.”

  “Really? But she’s in a strong marriage.”

  “I know. I’m sure I helped her get there, even though she was convinced she was in love with me. And Gini.” Debbie kind of choked on the words. “So wrong, I should have never—”

  “Now, Debbie, you told me you and Gini lived together just the two of you for a while. I think you both were willing, right? And she hadn’t met Dr. Young yet.”

  “She didn’t know anything about sex then; that was me being selfish again. Robert and I met Gini at the same time. We were her neurological team at the med center. Anyway, both women ran straight to the man of their dreams and are living happily ever after. Lisa finally realized she wasn’t lesbian, and Robert let himself show his love for a patient.”

  “Sounds like some Deb pity there.”

  “What do you think about Robert? Do you think it’s wrong to live with him?”

  “Heck, no. He�
�s her husband; you’re her nurse.” Kensy giggled a bit. “However, I’ve heard some speculations that the two of you are secretly married.”

  “I love Robert—” Debbie stopped abruptly. “I mean he’s a good friend, and I care deeply for him and his family.”

  “I understand.”

  How could anybody be so kind? Debbie thought. She had been immediately attracted to Kensy. She had to admit she’d never been so comfortable with anyone, not even Gini. But Kensy was high energy, always on the go and ready to meet any challenge. Could Debbie keep up with her—did she even want to try?

  “All I know is, I’m in love with the amazing, caring, big-hearted Debbie Pierce. And when you’re ready to start our lives together, I’ll be here waiting for you.”

  “You and me?” Debbie turned away.

  “Sure, why not? I know I look forward to every time we are together. Dee, I’m in love with you, have been for a while. But I’m sure you know that.”

  “You’re aware, I’ll be living with Gini as long as she lives.” Debbie still felt a little uncomfortable with all of Kensy’s affection. But Kens was right, Debbie had had a feeling Kensy wanted to be a couple but she never came right out and asked, leaving Debbie unsure. Debbie had to admit she loved every minute they were together. Even in her grief, she always wanted to be with Kensy.

  “I know. We both have private places. We can be together when we want.”

  “Well… I say I’ll be with Gini. Once Robert finds out she was intimate with me, he’ll probably fire me.”

  Kensy threw her arms open wide. “I have lots of space.”

  “You have a beautiful home.”

  “And it’s all yours too if you want. But that was a long time ago with Gini. He probably doesn’t need to know. That was a different time, a different life.”

  Debbie was silent for a minute. Could she tell her? Yes, she had to tell someone. “Kensy, it was not so long ago, only a few weeks. She was trying to help me feel better about the loss of Micky. She’s childlike in that way, not worrying about what’s conventional or normal. I’m not sure I understand how she thinks about it. In my grief-stricken weakness, I let her touch me. I have too much love and respect for Robert not to tell him, for both their sakes.”

  “I’ll go with you.”

  “No, this is my sword to take.”

  Debbie texted Robert:

  Do you need me tonight? I’m with Kensy, and we’re planning our evening.

  You stay right where you are. Gini and I are settling in to listen to the Boston Pop Orchestra on TV.

  Robert hugged Gini tight. He was so happy Debbie was with Kensy. He knew Kensy would help her.

  Sunday morning when Robert, Gini, Aly, and Jessie left for church, Robert noticed Kensy’s Mercedes parked in front of the house. Shortly after they arrived at New Haven Christian Church, Debbie and Kensy walked in holding hands. Kensy was dressed in a long, double-breasted wool coat with spike high-heeled boots. Debbie was wearing a waisted navy-blue jacket and long, coordinated skirt and low-heeled shoes.

  Two women greeted them. “Look, there’s a doubles tennis tournament at the Boston indoor stadium. All of us need to enter.”

  Robert and Gini were standing together watching. Gini looked up at Robert with her eyes open and smiled brightly.

  “Did I ever tell you I love your blue eyes and sweet dimples?”

  “Oh, yes.”

  “And what did I hear, Ms. Gini?” An older woman approached them. “You are with child.”

  “Bay… be, boy. Rob… bie.”

  Robert opened his mouth to say they didn’t know the sex yet but stopped before speaking. He knew from Gini they were going to have a boy, and his name would be Robert Joseph Young. Joseph after his adopted father.

  Finally, the household was back to normal, somewhat of an organized chaos with everyone going different directions. But the evenings around the dinner table was the family time together with lively discussions about everyone’s day. They never knew who might be joining them: Kensy, Pastor Daniel, Jason, or any number of Jessica’s friends. It was, by far, Robert’s favorite part of the day.

  Kensy and Debbie came in second place in the big tournament, and Debbie came first in singles.

  When Debbie carried the trophies in, Robert announced they should build a large showcase in the foyer to display Debbie’s and Jessica’s many awards.

  “For Jessie, not for me.”

  “Why not, aren’t you proud of yourself? Look how talented you are.”

  “Like a boy.”

  “Debbie.” He laughed but then saw she was serious. “Why do you say like a boy? You’re very athletic. You should be delighted.”

  “Delighted about my big thighs and mannish shoulders. Thrilled! I’ve been called butch, and I am.”

  “Debbie, stop right now. You are an attractive woman. I don’t know who put you down, but you need to get all of that out of your head. You are loved.”

  “I’m not as beautiful as Kensy.”

  “You’re jealous of that? However, I don’t agree.”

  “Of course I’m not jealous of Kensy. I love her beauty and grace.”

  “And she loves yours; me too.”

  “Robert, why are we having this discussion?”

  “You’ve got me. All I wanted was to show your and Jessica’s trophies to everyone that walks in this house.”

  He walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. “Let up on yourself, be happy with who you are.”

  “I will…”

  He turned and took a step.

  “…try,” she said after a delay.

  He turned back to her, and she smiled.

  In May it was confirmed they were going to have a boy, due in August. Gini was full of life and happy. She’d wanted to give Robert a son for a long time but figured she’d never get pregnant again.

  Debbie still had concern about the pregnancy and talked at great length with Linda and Maggie about it. Linda reassured her Gini was doing fine—at the age of thirty-four, she was still in her healthy baby-bearing years—and all eyes were on her constantly.

  She still felt the heavy guilt about sleeping with Gini, but it never seemed like the right time to tell Robert.

  One afternoon, Gini slept and slept. Every time Debbie checked her she kept saying one more minute, rolling out her index finger.

  “Gini, are you feeling okay?”

  “Oh, yes. Bay… be, slee… pee.”

  Debbie kissed her on the forehead. “You call me when you want to get up.”

  Robert walked in a little after four. “Gini still sleeping?”

  “Yes. I’m…” She walked up to him. “Robert, don’t you have any concerns about this pregnancy? You were so set against the last one.”

  “And Gini had no issues. She wanted to have another baby, and so do I.”

  “No issues! Have you forgotten the two years of grief you went through after Jessica’s birth?”

  “That had nothing to do with the pregnancy; it was the aftermath of the Coch virus. But we don’t have to worry about that now since they developed the vaccine. You see how well she’s doing. I’m happy I’m going to be a dad again. And don’t worry, I’m watching like a hawk, just as you are. I know you often sleep with her and—”

  Debbie gulped.

  “Rob… ber, Dee… bee, bay… be, move. Bay… be, move.” Gini’s words were filled with excitement as she walked toward them. She took both of their hands and put them on her moving tummy.

  Robert smiled big, then lifted Gini’s shirt and put both hands on her skin.

  “That’s wonderful, baby.” Debbie gave Gini a small hug and left so the two of them could have their special moment.

  What had Robert meant when he said they slept together? Surely, he didn’t mean the intimate touching? She had to talk to him. The guilt was getting to be too much.

  That night Debbie put on the bulky open-weave sweater she’d crocheted and went out to the back patio. The air
was cool with a warm breeze, and the full moon cast a soft glow over the raised garden Robert had put in so Jessica and Gini could have a flower garden that was easy for Gini to work while standing. The roses were in full bloom, emitting wonderful aromas. Debbie wrapped her arms tight around her body. How could she tell Robert?

  After a little while, the back door opened, and Robert walked out. “Everything okay out here?”

  Debbie’s heart started beating faster. “Just enjoying the moonlight.”

  “It’s nice.” The breeze shifted and became cooler.

  “Robert”—she abruptly turned toward him—“there’s something I have to tell you.”

  “Okay, tell.”

  “I… ah, Gini and I…” She didn’t know how to say the words.

  “Deb—”

  “No, don’t stop me. When Gini and I lived together, she was exploring her body, and, well, she also explored mine. It was after Ric had left and you”—she let out a breath—“you weren’t around yet.”

  “Debbie, why are you telling me this?”

  “Because you need to know. And I probably need to leave.”

  “Leave? Like, quit?”

  “Yes, I’m too close to Gini. I allow her to… Allowed her… Robert, I never have touched her inappropriately, I promise, but I let her touch me.” Debbie lowered her head.

  “Gini told me she wanted to comfort you and hopefully make you happy again.”

  Debbie looked up. “She told you?”

  “Gini and I have no secrets, Debbie. I know how much she loves you and you her.”

  He walked to her and put his hand on the sides of her neck and his thumbs under her chin. “I knew what I was getting into when I married her. You warned me, remember, that our marriage would not be a conventional one. And I knew that. I know you would never do anything inappropriate or allow Gini to be hurt. And with God as my witness, I sure as hell don’t want you to leave.”

  “Robert!”

  He shivered. “Enough said.” He started rubbing his hands up and down his arms.