Families Page 12

  Debbie suddenly had the feeling of normalcy. The house was full of the sounds of children playing, and all the women were in the kitchen fixing dinner and the men on the patio smoking cigars. Debbie had pulled Gini’s chair next to the kitchen table, where Debbie was peeling potatoes. Jason and Jessica were in the living area playing under Alyssa’s watchful eye.

  This wasn’t the life she wanted for Gini, but it seemed there was nothing they could do to bring her out of her fog. Sometimes Gini would open her eyes and look straight at Debbie. The look of helplessness. Debbie knew it had to be frustrating or depressing to be trapped inside your body unable to get out. Sometimes she didn’t know if that was her own thinking or if Gini was somehow talking to her in her brain. But most of the time, Gini’s eyes slid open then closed with a vague, lost look.

  Jessica ran over to Gini and climbed up into her lap. Gini slowly put her arm around the little girl. Jason followed, stopped, and slapped his hands on Gini’s legs. Jessica immediately sat forward and yelled, “No.”

  “Oh, no, no, buddy,” his mother said quickly, picking him up.

  Jessica cuddled back close to her mama. Gini thrust her tongue and laid her head back.

  Her daughter was her protector. The visions of the cute toddlers, playing happily with everyone, brought joy to Gini. She didn’t realize she was seeing them when she opened her eyes.

  The men came in and Robert pushed the wheelchair into the great room. The conversation continued from outside.

  The doorbell rang. Debbie dried her hands and went to answer it. There stood Micky with a big bouquet of flowers.

  “Micky, what are you doing here?” Debbie wasn’t sure if she was upset or embarrassed.

  “I just had to see my bunny. Let’s go to your room.”

  “No, I can’t, we…”

  “Go on, Deb. We’re good,” Robert said, motioning her to leave with Micky.

  Debbie took the flowers and Micky to her quarters.

  “Bunny, I graduate in two weeks. I want you to come.”

  “Oh, Micky, I don’t know.”

  “I want you to be proud of me.”

  “I am. I’m really proud that you went on and got more education.”

  “Then come.”

  They sat on the bed.

  Micky put her arm around her. She could see Debbie was tired. She pulled her face toward hers, and they kissed. Debbie let out a long breath.

  “You need some time off.” Micky pulled her close and laid them back on the bed.

  “The job in Providence looks like a go.”

  Debbie sat up. “Providence? What happened to the med center here? I told you I’d give you a recommendation.”

  “Oh… I don’t know if I could live up to your standards.”

  “My standards? Come on, Micky, you’re a good nurse and you know it.”

  Micky got up and walked toward the window. “Are you ever going to get some furniture?”

  “Someday. Don’t change the subject. Why not New Haven?”

  “They’d always be comparing me to you. I know they would.”

  Debbie walked up next to her. “I haven’t worked at the hospital for several years. Micky, it’s a great place to work. Once hired, you’d become part owner. I am to this day. I just thought if you worked here we could see more of each other.”

  “Maybe move in here with you?”

  “Well, I… um, I don’t know.” The suggestion took Debbie by surprise. “This isn’t a very big place, and—”

  “I could come and go from your outside door. I’d never know what goes on on the other side of that wall.”

  Debbie was still thinking about Micky and her in the tiny space.

  Micky lifted Debbie’s head and, seeing her perplexed, said, “Just kidding; it wouldn’t work. I’ve got my eye on a nice place in Rhode Island. You need to come see it.”

  She cupped Debbie’s face in her hands and gave her a long passionate kiss. “I miss you, bunny.”

  “And I you.”

  Debbie took her hand and took her to the bed.

  They kissed and caressed each other’s bodies, then kissed some more. Debbie let it all go. She cleared her mind and went to a place with twinkling stars, smells of fragrant flowers, soft white clouds passing by. She didn’t want Micky to stop, just take her, over and over again.

  They lay for a long time quietly in each other’s arms. Micky had gone to the med center and applied. She had mentioned she knew Debbie. It was like they all wanted to bow down to Debbie wherever she was. Debbie had a great reputation, and Micky felt it would be too hard to work in her shadow. Besides, was she committed enough to live so close, or even with Debbie? She liked her own space, to do as she pleased when she wanted to.

  She looked down. Debbie was in a deep sleep. Micky gently rubbed down Debbie’s face and got out of bed. She left a message:

  I’ll call you soon. Love you, M.

  When Debbie woke, she was sad that Micky was gone. She looked at her watch. It was almost eight o’clock.

  She took in a deep breath. Micky seemed to want to live with her. Was that what she wanted? She truly loved Micky, but could she keep her love while taking care of Gini every day? It would be complicated, but maybe they should give it another try.

  She walked into the main house. Gini sat on the couch; Robert was in the kitchen getting a drink of water. Their company had left. Debbie sat next to Gini.

  Robert sat in the large chair across the room. “It’s so good to have family here,” he said. “I could tell Gini was enjoying them too, right, sweetheart?”

  Gini thrust her tongue.

  “If I could just hear that sweet ‘Oh, yes,’” he said, leaning forward. “Just one more time.”

  “I know,” Debbie said, brushing her fingers through Gini’s hair. “My sweet baby.”

  Jessica came in ready for bed and sat on Robert’s lap. “Daddy, time to read you a story.”

  Debbie smiled when she saw the warmth that poured out of Robert’s heart when he was with his daughter.

  Jessica could count to one hundred; she knew the alphabet and could read simple sentences. She was never in need of attention with three doting adults always willing to teach her. And she would sit on her mother’s lap for hours if they’d let her. She had been teaching Gini patty-cake all week.

  Gini turned her head to Debbie and opened her eyes. Debbie put her hand on Gini’s cheek. “Baby.” Then kissed her on the forehead.

  “Please, help me,” Debbie heard in her head. She sat back abruptly and looked at Gini. Her eyes slid closed. “Help me talk, please, help me talk.”

  Debbie shook her head as if to clear it. She looked over at Robert. Jessica had her hand on his as he pointed to the words, and she said them. Then she giggled loudly, and he hugged her tight.

  Gini slowly put her hand on top of Debbie’s and moved her fingers.

  Debbie brushed her face again. “I will, baby. We’re going to get through this.”

  Robert looked at Debbie, smiling broadly, reacting to Jessica’s giggles.

  The family had finished their big Saturday pancake breakfast. Debbie and Aly were cleaning up the kitchen, and Robert was still at the table drinking coffee and flipping through his tablet, stopping here and there to read an article. Jessica sat across Gini’s lap, facing her mom in the recliner.

  She took Gini’s index finger and put it on her lips. “Jessica,” Jessica said. Then she put her finger on Gini’s lips. “Mama.”

  Debbie joined Robert at the table with a cup of coffee, and Aly was making herself some tea. Jessica continued her little game with her mother. Robert looked up once in a while to see them.

  The little girl touched her mother’s lips. “Mama.” After she said the word, Gini blew on her finger. Jessica laughed her infectious giggle. No one could help but smile at the sound, even if they were in a bad mood. Both Robert and Debbie looked up. The fingers went back and forth again, and again Gini blew on Jessica’s finger, and the laugh ca
me out. Debbie put her coffee cup down and watched. The next time Gini’s finger was on Jessica’s lips, Jessica blew on it—Gini smiled. Robert was also watching. Debbie gasped and put her hand over her mouth. Gini hadn’t smiled since Jessica was born. Robert sat forward in his chair, stunned by his wife’s beauty.

  Then with Gini’s finger on Jessica’s lips, Gini said, “Jess… eek.”

  Debbie still had her hand on her mouth, consumed with emotion. “Robert!” she exclaimed, looking at him.

  And when Jessica put her finger on Gini’s lips, Gini said, “Ma… ma,” then, “Jess… eek.”

  Jessica turned to the kitchen. “Daddy, Mama said my name.”

  Robert slowly rose from the chair and walked over, kneeling next to them while the game continued. “Jess… eek, Ma… ma.” He couldn’t speak, he was so overwhelmed. Gini smiled each time she said “Jesseek.”

  Jessica reached and grabbed around his neck, and he took her from Gini’s lap. “I love you, Daddy.”

  “I love you too,” he said in a quiet voice.

  She jumped to the floor and ran to Aly. “Mama said my name,” Jessica proclaimed.

  Debbie still had her hand over her mouth, unmoving. She couldn’t believe what she had just witnessed.

  Gini slowly turned her head toward Robert, opened her eyes wide, and smiled another beautiful smile.

  Taking her hand in both of his, he broke down and started to cry, his body jumping. He couldn’t hold back the deep emotional feeling. Then he picked her up and took her into the bedroom.

  Debbie was left sitting in the kitchen alone. She stared out the window for a minute, then crossed her arms on the table and laid her head down, sobbing deeply. Such wonderful, amazing joy filled her heart.

  In the days to come, Gini became more and more alive. Her signing started making sense, and she’d hug Debbie and Robert as she had done in the past. One day, “Rob… ber” came out, then soon after, “Dee… bee.” And the upbeat “Oh… yes” made Robert and Debbie smile every time she said it.

  The whole atmosphere in the house was different, and Debbie could see a big change in Robert. He was happy—really happy. She had seen that happiness in the past for his daughter; but in general, he carried that heavy burden, the deep sadness of losing his active, loving wife.

  That was exactly how he felt. His Gini was no longer there. But now she was returning, and he felt himself come alive again, just as she was doing.

  A few weeks later, Jessica and Gini were at the kitchen table coloring. “Mama, try to stay in the lines.” She jumped down from her chair and helped Gini hold the crayon and color in the fairy princess’s dress. “Good, Mama, that’s good.” She climbed back up and started coloring in her coloring book.

  Debbie went over and stood behind Gini while drying her hands on a towel. Gini, holding the crayon in her fist, slowly and methodically drew a half circle. The crayon fell to the table. Debbie helped her hold it again. Then she leaned down and kissed Gini on the cheek. After taking the towel to the kitchen sink, she went back to Gini.

  Debbie stood stunned once again. There on the paper, written in uneven letters, was “Gini.” The emotions were exhausting; it seemed every day Gini had done something to make Debbie cry. So different than when they were in the unit together. There Debbie was working, doing her job to rehabilitate a patient, but now it was her baby showing a miraculous recovery, and Gini was doing it at her own pace. Debbie could not be prouder of her.

  The braille cards came out, and the challenge of beating Gini continued as before. Jessica loved playing the game with her mama, and she had easily learned sign language. But most of the time it was apparent they had a special way of communicating.

  Gini struggled to get words out. Her brain was so sluggish, it took great concentration to do anything. She’d get a thought going and then it would slowly slip away. She was frustrated, but even that reaction quickly dissipated, and she once again only had colors and sounds, no thoughts.

  She often heard her daughter’s little voice in her head, helping her to think. “Mama, keep trying,” she heard. “Don’t give up.”

  It didn’t take too much imagination to figure out Robert and Gini were intimate again. They often walked out of the bedroom arm in arm, his hair tousled, and Gini lovingly clinging to him. Debbie often teased that Gini was styling his hair.

  As the months passed, the family became more and more social. Robert started taking Jessica and Gini to the family functions at the country club and strongly encouraged Debbie to get involved in some out-of-the-house activity. But she was okay with her life as it was.

  Debbie had gone to Micky’s graduation ceremony and then to Rhode Island to see Micky’s new hospital and apartment. Her living room window had a view of a marina. They walked along the water’s edge, holding hands, talking for some of the time, and spending some in silence. Micky was excited about being head of the ICU nursing staff. Debbie was disappointed she wouldn’t be closer, but they both agreed they’d try to be together more when Micky was off duty, and Robert could be with Gini. Micky visited several times and spent the night when she could.

  Micky would go and come through the private entrance from the front porch into Debbie’s quarters, so Robert didn’t know whether she was there or not. It was Debbie’s business. He constantly told Debbie to bring her into the main house. But for some reason, it didn’t seem appropriate to Debbie.

  The only two kids Jessica played with near her age were Timmy and Jason, when they were around. Lisa had gone back to work, and Timmy was in daycare most weekdays. Other than that, Jessica was not involved with other children. All their neighbors’ children were older. The girls adored Jessica, but that wasn’t the same as playing with kids her age.

  Robert was surprised how shy and quiet she was around the other kids at the club. He tried to encourage her to participate in the games, but she either clung to him or sat on Gini’s lap, hugging close and sucking her thumb.

  Gini was confused at first with all the commotion of the many different sounds and movements of the people. But she wanted to be with Robert and knew he would keep her and Jessica safe. She felt Jessica’s uncertainty and tried to push away her own fears to comfort her child.

  As more and more people made a point of greeting Robert and Gini, they started becoming familiar to her, and she became more at ease, but Jessica was still shy and stubborn about doing anything new.

  Jessica’s third birthday was approaching. She had the vocabulary of a much older child. For as much as she was shy and quiet when they were out, she was active, playful, and fully engaged at home.

  Robert worked regular hours, usually getting home around five o’clock. He was always greeted by his daughter and then his loving wife.

  It was a warm June Thursday. Gini signed she’d wait for Robert in their bedroom. She needed to talk to him. Debbie had her sign it a couple of times so she could figure out what Gini was saying.

  “You need to talk to Robert about something?”

  “Oh… yes.” Gini smiled broadly.

  Debbie didn’t ask what she wanted to talk about, but her curiosity was certainly piqued. She wandered around the kitchen getting things ready for dinner.

  “Debbie, you seem preoccupied. What’s up?” Aly asked.

  “Gini wants to have a private talk with Robert in their room.”

  “Okay—”

  “I’m just wondering what is so important to her, that’s all.”

  “So, what do you think it could be?”

  “Even though I hope I’m wrong, I’m afraid she’s going to tell him she’s pregnant.”

  “Really? Pregnant. Do you think they have sex?”

  “Alyssa! You’re kidding, right?”

  “Well… I just thought since she’s, you know, she’s…” She paused and thought a moment.

  “You don’t see when his hair’s messed up, and she’s starry-eyed when they come out of the bedroom?”

  “Nope, guess not. I guess you
don’t want her to have another baby?”

  Alyssa never really saw Robert and Gini as a romantic couple, more an older man taking care of a mentally challenged woman. He was very loving to her, but the thought of them having sex was something she couldn’t picture.

  Debbie took a deep breath and decided to let the subject drop. “Just curious, that’s all.”

  When Robert arrived home, he went to the bedroom. Gini sat straight-backed on a chair with her hands folded in her lap. He picked her up and sat her facing him on the bed. “Debbie said you wanted to talk to me.”

  “Oh… yes,” she said, smiling broadly.

  He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. “Okay, what do you want to talk about?”

  Gini bowed her head and thrust her tongue, then looked up and opened her eyes wide. “Rob… ber.”

  He sat silent for a second, then brushed the side of her face when he could see her struggling to speak.

  “Yes, sweetheart, I’m listening.”

  Gini tried as hard as she could to get the words out. She had gone over again and again in her head what she wanted to say, but the words were wedged behind a wall of some kind before they got to her tongue. She thrust again. “Rob… ber.” Again, a pause. “Rob… ber, I…”

  She blew out some air with frustration and laid her head on his chest.

  “It’s okay, Gini. Do you want to sign to me?”

  She vigorously shook her head next to his body.

  He lifted her head up. “I’m here for as long as you need.” He kissed her on the forehead.

  The thrusting started again, and again she opened her eyes wide, and placed both of her hands flat on his chest. He wrapped his hands around hers.

  “Rob… ber, I… Wan. I, wan…”

  She wanted to scream. The words were right there but stuck between her brain and her mouth.

  “What is it you want, sweetheart?” He didn’t want her to give up—important she keep trying.

  “Rob… ber, I, wan, goo, see… cha.”

  Seecha—that wasn’t right, she told herself. There’s no such word as seecha.